La fille qui dort

"Maybe I haven’t taken a decent shit in ten years, but I’m not fucking stupid."

Old serial killer who finds out Dexter is onto him

GRRRR

I wasted my whole afternoon asleep. I was aiming to “nap” for 30 minutes. The reason why the nap is in quotation marks, is because I was trying to induce sleep paralysis on myself before I actually fell asleep, aka, body asleep, mind awake. Just trying to trick the mind into thinking that you are asleep so that it sends out signals to paralyse your body. I know that must sound weird but it is a little experiment I am working on.

Sigh

My mom and I indulged in pâté de foie, boursin, ace crackers, rye bread, and prosciutto. We also indulged in wine. We ate a lot, and we drank a lot. I’m a bit sad that I am so lightweight though, because I became tipsy after finishing my first glass of wine. 

I wore a ponytail all day and I’m sure I will be wearing one every day for the rest of the summer. 

This morning

I woke up at 6:30 a.m, I don’t know why, I just did. I couldn’t get back to sleep either so I decided to read some comics and drank some water. Afterwards I put my head down onto my pillow and it felt like lead (my head, not the pillow). It felt so relaxing. For the past few nights, my head has felt like a balloon every time I tried to sleep. My body would be tired but my mind would be racing. This morning though, my head actually really sunk into my pillow. There weren’t any thoughts bothering me. It was just quiet for once. I didn’t really fall asleep, but I was able to rest my mind. That felt the nicest, I think. Later on, (around 8), I checked my email and saw that I had received one from Alex at 6:35 a.m. I thought it ironic how we had been awake at the same time despite the heavy time difference. I told my mum about it later on, and she said that it must have been telepathy. She was half joking. 

After reading the email, I cried for six minutes because his email was very nice, and I miss(ed) him very much. 

The rest of today was spent searching for some new attire for my new place of employment. I tried on a lot but only wanted two pants despite my mums pleas for me to also get a dress and a skirt she picked out. I also got two new pairs of really comfortable shoes. One are sandals and one are semi heels. 

Now I am going for a walk with my mum (wearing the sandals in hopes to fit them to my foot sooner than later)

I miss Alex.

I’m not posting this on my main blog because I feel like I’ve written a bit too much about him on there and I don’t really want to broadcast it onto all of my subscribers dashboards.

I miss Alex. I was creeping photos of a friend, and Alex happened to be in a few. Okay, I was creeping because I knew Alex would be in some of them. Just seeing those pixels that made up his face made my heart ache for him even more. It’s taking a lot of will power to stay tear-free. I miss him so much. I’m not going to try to use any sort of literary device to try to convey how much I miss him. I’m just going to be blunt about it. I miss him. I feel the way anyone feels when they miss someone wholeheartedly. It’s a very achey feeling.

I’m having trouble sleeping. That ache is always there and I’m afraid for my head to touch my pillow because I always begin to cry seconds after. I’m trying to exhaust myself right now. Yesterday I read a book on Lucid Dreaming until 2am or so. I’m tired but I think I still have too much energy to fall asleep without drenching myself in my own tears.

It’s really difficult. I know I must sound like a whiny girl with no real problems because millions of people go through much more painful experiences. What’s mine? Missing my love? Yup. It’s really hard to go to sleep and wake up the following day because I know I won’t be seeing him or hearing from him. I’m also very worried about him. What if he’s gotten into some sort of accident? I think they may have driven on the autobahn….cars go extremely fast. I don’t know, I’m just worried. 

I don’t like being apart.

Having tons of fun on my bed.